I never wanted to go into family law in the first place. Too much drama, too much emotion. ...
And now, struggling again to get pregnant and watch people pass up the chance and losing the opportunity to keep their rights to their children is just overwhelmingly sad and depressing.
These people don't even try. They don't give a sh#* about their kids.. it hurts. It's emotionally draining. Very angering and frustrating.
I know I have to put up a wall and disconnect myself from it, but at this point it's getting really old really fast.
If we didn't have to pay for Jr. kindergarten, I'd quit.
I also called today and found out testing isn' t covered until our deductible is met so all of our inferility testing will be out of pocket costs. Kevin's test alone will be $300. :/
So there's my rant for the night. If ur a fb friend now you know why I never post personal stuff.
So last time I had a baby I succombed to what my husband wanted. He convinced me to go a clinic with an OB, and do it his way at a hospital.[Long story short... a Natural VBAC will happen!]He was really only looking out for me. My mom had three c-sections. All but the last being emergent because it was planned. He was worried the same would happen to me... And it did, but my csection wasn't emergent. It was because my OB failed to do her job. Failed to take what I wanted into consideration. and failed to be my advocate. Which is beyond frustrating.
If she had done her job and come to the hospital while I was in labor any earlier in the day (or night! for that matter) rather than showing up just prior to being 24 hrs after my water broke then maybe she would have had a chance to talk to me about, or provide the other options I had of getting Elizabeth to progress.
Now that I know more.. that there are ways to help a baby in transition when they are stuck (granted they are pretty painful, but still..) it makes me so mad that this wasn't offered to me and I was robbed of everything I wanted in my birth plan.
Anyway, I called today and I'm going to a new clinic next Thursday! One with midwives, doulas, water birth tubs, and everything I wanted the first time! I basically told Kevin, when and if I get pregnant, we're doing it my way this time! (In a nice way, but I was firm about it and explained all of what I just said, and he basically said, it's your body, I'm leaving it up to you.) He knows how last time basically traumatized me, and I think he feels bad it turned out that way. He even made the comment that he felt like the doctor was just trying to get it over with and that she was doing what was most convenient for her. Which is how I feel about it now too. (All in hinde-sight I guess).
So, here it goes. I asked if they could help me with conception problems and they said yes, so I'm going in for a check up. I'll be seeing a nurse practitioner, but I figure that's probably standard for someone who isn't pregnant yet.
Excited, but nervous.
Skol Vikings!! They won tonight which makes me very happy!
Hubby and I decided that if aunt flo arrives this month that we're going to try fertility blend.
Maybe that'll just get us the extra boost we need.
My cycles are normal, and OPKs are positive so I am ovulating, so it has to be something else.
Which is maddening when you have no control.
Talking to her about not getting pregnant and that I'm frustrated and she asks, "How would you feel just being the three Amigos?"
Are you serious?... Ffs. I'm just so done. Seriously!!?
Wow, hello LJ world!
It's been a long time.
Since I've posted I've gone to school, graduated and gotten an Associate's Degree as a Paralegal and we've moved into a new house!
Things have really been going well.. except for getting pregnant.
I graduated last year in May and we've been trying ever since.
It's so disheartening. I'm so frustrated I could scream. I mean I'm not stressed out about it like you'd think, but I'm just sad.It's like... seriously I knew this would happen.
[In which I rant about my sister]
Watching all my friends who are just now getting married and having babies get pregnant on honeymoons and within months of their nuptials so ........ maddening. I can't not say congratulations, cause then I look like a bitch, but to constantly see baby bumps, showers, nurseries... and my 20 year old sister had a baby... so that doesn't help either.
She's in Alaska now, so I haven't seen her in over a year. She had her baby in January and I still haven't been able to go out and see her. So that's a whole nother frustration. They have been told they're coming home multiple times because he is getting medically discharged, but now their coming home date is being pushed back again until close to Thanksgiving. I hope it's true cause I really need her. Except for her 'Better than thou' attitude about being a mom and 'wearing' her DD everywhere.. it's like yea hunny I did that too. and I made baby food --- just like you... and I tried cloth diapers but they just didn't work for us... glad you can use them though.. but oh she just makes me so mad. She acts like she knows everything. And I told her when she gets back I want to have my neice for a day or two (after they're settled and Evelynn is comfortable with me)... and she flat out told me no. Like wtf. Get over yourself. And she's like 'I'm just too attached to her'... uh yea you are and that shit aint healthy either. Take a freakin mommy break, you've only been doing this by yourself for almost a year. Go take a freakin one night vacation, she will live! SHEESH... ugh just annoys me. I just want to be with her. Heaven forbid. Owell.... makes me sad.[The stupid people that make me crazy]
It's also frustrating not having anyone to talk to who understands and staying quiet about it because people don't get and they just tell you to 'relax' or 'itl'll happen when God decides your ready' or when your step-mother-in-law asks you every.single.time. when #2 is arriving... UGH! Like please stop asking. And stop saying that 'it'll happen' cause lord knows that now that we finally have moved (we were supposed close on our house a month and a half earlier than we did and it fell through 2 days before closing.. f__ing crock that was.. Our whole lives were in limbo all summer, but that's a story for another time...) and anyway.. now that we've finally moved.. I bet if I get pregnant now people will just be like.. "SEE! The stress of moving is gone and you're in your new house and 'GOD' just new that you were ready for the baby!' like GET OVER YOURSELF you are not some freakin psychic who predicted the future. Do you know what I want to do to whoever says that to me? I want to look at them and then punch them in the face and then ask them if they saw that shi* coming. Cause if they knew what God thought they should've....[Where I work now...]
Anyway, I'm working now as a Paralegal at a small Family Law Firm with two attorneys. They're both great women, and wonderful bosses. I'm really lucky to have them. They let me take off the days DD has off school so I don't have to pay for crazy daycare expenses (right now she goes to Jr. Kindegarten at a private catholic school).
Being in a Family Law firm with two attorneys who are Public Defenders for Child Protection Cases is also very frustrating. It's so sad to watch some of these cases unfold. And even more sad when you find out that some of these kids end up shelters cause they can't get fostered by family. Oh and my one attorney does adoptions.. and those aren't fun either.. It makes me scared to adopt if we can't get pregnant.
[tmi]I had a little bit of blood streaked EWCM during Ovulation.. so I guess we'll see. If I were to get pregnant I'd be due on my dad's birthday.. That'd be fun!
I don't even know where to start with adoption. I don't want to fall victim to scam. DH wants to adopt inside the United States. I don't. I'd much rather adopt a child from somewhere else.
Which brings me full circle to this cycle. I guess....
I'm past my O-day, and in my TWW.
However, I'm thinking I might need to go to the doctor and that scares me. Like a lot. Because I know that after my initial physical by my OB that nothing is covered and we'll have to go see and endocrinologist and I don't want to. I don't want to have to do it. Plus if there is something wrong we have already decided that the farthest we will go is fertility (booster) treatments (drugs like clomid). Neither of us want to conceive via IUI or IVF.
So... There's my rant for the night. Good night.. maybe I'll go check on TTC boards..